I feel quite strongly that I need to loose weight. Mostly because the extra weight is upsetting me so much.
Usually I’m a fairly easy going sort of a person. I deal with things as they come up; process them, address if necessary, and then let them go.
This doesn’t seem to be working the same way.
I feel this deep sense of fear. I used to loathe myself and how I looked but that’s not something that’s present so much now. Fear is the overwhelming sense that I have.
Because I want to do something about this.
I suppose that’s the fear. I have been doing something about this and it’s not working. From all I’ve read about dieting and so forth I don’t have a lot of faith that it will work. It seems so scary and out of my control.
On one hand I feel quite pragmatic about that.
On the other I feel so sad.
I’ve very conflicted.
I feel ashamed that I’ve let this happen.
And I feel angry that it’s any ones business but mine.
