I first registered this website, oh, four years ago now. I’d just watched the DVD “The Secret” and had an ephiphany! I could really have what I wanted if I could just focus my thoughts. It was such a … mind altering moment for me. Finally a recipe for a way that I could live my life that honoured my catholic-recovering need for some form of “god” that would grant my prayers and yet still give me complete control and responsibility for the success I so desperately wanted.
And what do I really want; money of course. Lots and lots of lovely money so I can have expensive clothes, jewellery, houses, travel, food, experiences, or whatever. Money. Money equals success, freedom and respect and I wanted all those things, in abundance. And money. Lots of it.
But damn that working hard stuff, so not into that.
By a lucky co-incidence (or law of attraction, depending on what sort of a day I’m having) my epiphany was almost immediately followed by my introduction to the world of internet marketing.
I was sold! Well, not enough to part with the $3,000 Stores Online wanted, but I knew right away, this is the life for me. Working from home, better than that, working from anywhere in the world, making copious amounts of money building websites, so I can live the life of my vague and unsubstantiated dreams.
So I registered my domain, my name of course, because I reasoned, I’m going to be famous so I behoves me to register my name before someone else does. And set about building my web empire.
Only, turns out, not so easy. Damn hard in fact. Considerably compounded by the fact that I don’t know what I’m doing. So here I am four years on with a couple of completely unsuccessful blogs and a whole host of doubts. Like every other unsuccessful blogger I’ve wasted a crap load of money to learn stuff that I’m not entirely sure I even remember and certainly haven’t put into practice.
So, here I am, riddled with doubt, crushed with disappointment, and deeply, deeply embarrassed. But, that dream, that irritating, persistent dream just won’t go away. That dream about being a blogger, a successful, make-a-lot-of-money doing-the-things-I-love blogger. Because, seriously, at the heart of it, I love to write. I love to learn and I love to share my passion for learning with others. Mostly, in real life, that comes across as being a know-it-all freak, which, not so good. But in terms of being a blogger, all good stuff.
So I think I just became a blogger. Not because I’m successful, or even slightly good at it, but because this is what I want. It “makes my heart sing” which is motivational speak for I really like it. A lot.
Now I just need to work out how to get good at it, or at least good enough that I can build a business out of it. Cause you know, I haven’t been trying to do that for the last four years.
OK, so I don’t know how I’m gonna make it work, but I do know, I’m not giving up.