Just Let It Go

Where I really wanted to go here was to highlight an interaction and my response to it as well as highlighting where a change needs to be made.

POST #3

JUST LET IT GO

Yesterday was the local marathon. As part of the marathon they hold an event called the 5km health challenge. You can choose to walk or run, as you so desire. You have one hour to finish after which, get lost baby, the marathoners are coming back.

For some reason this year I ended up enrolled to walk in the 5km health challenge. I did percisely zero training. I mean it’s five kilometres; it’s not exactly hard, for me anyway. I love to walk and, weather permitting, walking is my chosen form of exercise.

One of the women I work with was also doing the challenge. She was shocked when I told her I was as well. Really shocked. She asked me how long did I think it would take me, to which I replied well less that an hour because that’s all the time we’ve got. She then suggested that I might end up getting booted off the track without finishing.

What I took away from this exchange was her disapproval of me getting involved in this event. I decided the reason she was so uncomfortable with the idea is because I’m fat. Oh lord, I decided, she’s a fat phobe. Shame because I’d really thought that she was a nice person.

The thing is she is a nice person. There can be lots of different reasons why she was distressed at the thought of me taking part. Maybe she’s jealous that she’s no longer the only person from the office doing it. Maybe it challenges her beliefs about her own fitness. I have no idea. And really at the end of the day it makes no difference to me why she thinks or does anything.

But jumping to the conclusion, oh it’s because I’m fat, is not helpful for me. It’s that constant repitition of the “you’re fat, you’re fat” mantra that I’ve been repeating most of my adult life. We become what we think about and I spend quite a lot of time thinking about how fat I am. I even introduced the last post by saying I’m fat.

I also spend a lot of time hung up on how other people judge that and the flat our unfairness of it. I feel like a victim when I do.

What I think about I attract into my life. And the things I’ve been thinking about are most definitely not what I want to experience. Perhaps it’s time for me to think about different things and attract different things into my life.

The question then becomes; what do I want to think about?

By the way; I finished the 5 km walk in 47.58 minutes.