Checking In

I’ve been sitting here staring at a blank screen for quite a while now.

I just can’t seem to get writing.

So I’ve been reading instead and the message I’ve got from that reading is just write. Write whatever comes up but get on with it.

I’m overwhelmed. I feel like I’m drowning in tasks to do and as a result I’m standing still noting how very overwhelmed I feel.

I want to write and yet I can’t for the life of me think of a single thing to write about. I feel frustrated and afraid, as if I’m staring down the barrel of another failure.

So, what I’m going to do is just keep on going. I know what I want from life (to work for myself blogging generating more income than I’ve ever had before) so that I can travel (London, Hong Kong, Sydney) and experience the world and it’s peoples. I want to spend my life in happy and joyus tasks that fill me with satisfaction.

And most of all I want to write. I think I loose sight of that in all the other things that are going on. I want to write about all sorts of things. I want to make up characters and plots and wonderful, exciting happenings. But you know what; I don’t do that. Ever. How strange. I started this journey because I want to write. Only now does it occur to me, um, Lisa, honey, you’re not actually writing.

What’s that about?

I chose to blog because it seemed wonderfully attractive to work from home, part time, and make a full time income. It would help me create the discipline I needed to sit down and actually learn the process of writing. I wouldn’t need to worry about income because I could keep that ticking over in the background with the blogging whilst I spent the bulk of my time writing books and generally learning how to craft a story.

It’s been four years now and none of that stuff has actually happened.

I own my home now. I’ve travelled a bit. I’m in a relationship with a man I adore (usually). I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I had planned to be fabulously thin but that hasn’t worked out for me at all, in fact I’m bigger now than ever. The point of all this is that things are going tremendously well and I am thoroughly loving my life. Good things are happening, things that make me feel so happy.

Its just the blogging, the creation of my own business, that hasn’t happened. Or the writing. I don’t write very often at all. Which is a shame because, when I get past that blank screen, I love the things that I write.

Food for thought I think.

Perhaps it’s time for me to be really clear about what I want, business wise, though in all fairness I thought I was.

Funny how these things come up hey.