This morning I was listening to my 6 Minutes To Success as I do and happened to select a clip about a subject that I’ve been thinking about over the last couple of days. The message, from Napoleon Hill Think and Grow Rich, is:
There’s a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing until they believe that they can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief and not mere hope or wish. Open mindness is essential to belief. Closed minds will not encourage faith, courage or belief. Remember no more effort is required in order to aim high in life to demand abundance and prosperity than is required to accept misery and poverty.
I’ve been working on this internet marketing thing for quite a while now; three or four years I think and I’ve made around about $100 all up. I just seem to do lots of different things and nothing happens. Actually what happens is I get frustrated with my lack of success and overwhelmed with doubt and feelings of failure. I believed I would be rich by now. That my ideas would just take off and I’d have a successful online business that generated enough money for me to be travelling and seeing the world.
Only it appears that I didn’t (don’t?) really believe that, otherwise it would be happening!
Whenever I think about it, about becoming a successful blogger and marketer it gives me goose bumps. It makes me cry. Me, writing for a living. Helping people by sharing my thoughts and ideas and take on subjects. I love doing it so much. It’s one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done and I feel strong and capable and so …me … when I do it, which incidently could be because I’m writing this on a website named after myself. I can do this, I am doing this. It’s taking, well, it’s taking as long as it takes and there are reasons for that.
Chiefly; I’m damn scared. I’m scared of being a person who writes about what she believes in because a lot of what I believe in is really counter culture. Meaning that not that many people believe the same things as me. I’m particularly overwhelmed with the fat acceptance movement because of the volcanic attitudes that surround it. It’s one thing to have a dissenting view and quite another to stand up and express it.
And I’m really exposing my weakness here, particularly in this blog. I feel like the world’s biggest failure. I’ve tried so many different things over the years and feel like I’ve failed a million times. Sure, many of those failures have been diets which I now know is pre-programed for failure, but it’s still failure and it feels really sucky! I’ve also had a paper selling business, a background checking business and a virtual assistant business. Hell, I even joined Amway. I failed every single time. I just couldn’t get it together and never really made any money.
But I think that’s the point; it’s only real failure if I give up. I’m writing this in the belief that I will become a very successful, well known and wealthy businesswomen and writer. That one day people will want to know how I did it and I want this record to be here for others to read, to understand the steps that I took. Of course I could tank spectacularly and, you know what, I believe having a record of that is useful to.
To attract the success I want I need to believe I can. I need to believe that I can handle it. I need to believe I can do it. I need to believe that I will find an audience, that I will develop expertise in marketing and selling and mastery in writing.
Damn, I believe is going to have to become my mantra.
But, how do I do that?
Well, I’ve also been listening to Abraham-Hicks and one of the messages I’ve heard repeatedly is;
A belief is just a thought that you think over and over again.
So, back to the visualising. See myself doing and being what I want. See myself happy and successful. Think the thought over and over again.
Actually this came up again this week. I read a blog post from a woman, a fat woman, talking about lonliness and finding love when you’re fat. I commented on the post about my own experience because her experience resonated so strongly with me. I was single for 15 years. In that 15 years the longest, and only relationship I had beyond a third date was three months. I believed unreservedly that I was fat and ugly and no one could love me. And because I felt that way about myself I believed any man I met would just use me. I believed that for years and years.
When I first learnt about visualisation and law of attraction I was working part time. I used to go to the beach, every day, and walk for hours and hours (and no I never lost weight) and visualise. It was fabulously relaxing and made me very happy. I had a guided visualisation that I listened to most days. When it came time to visualise my life as I wanted it be I would always aim for wealth, thinness of course, fabulous clothes, travel all the things that I still want in my life, but what kept coming to mind was being wrapped in a strong pair of arms, held tightly and feeling safe and loved. That is the image that came every time when the other images were so nebulous and fleeting and always changing.
Right up until my partner suddenly exploded into my life I had no idea that it was going to happen. I could, would, never have pictured it happening the way it did, but it happened none the less and damn, being with him makes me so happy. Best of all he always, always, wraps his arms around me and holds me tight and I feel safe and loved.
I keep thinking about that. I knew I wanted a partner. I thought about how wonderful it could be. I believed that one day I would have a partner. And I thought about how that would be. And then just let it go. It was a text book visualisation.
I keep pushing at this internet marketing goal but I really think it’s the wrong energy. I just need to learn to believe I can do it.