Day 235: What To Do When You Feel Bad
I came home last night feeling anxious, unsettled and unloved.
I got home and my partner had cooked me dinner including all my very favourite things, my good friend had posted me a cheque for $800 and my Mother had posted me a book about gardening, another project I’m taking on right now.
Looking at that now I wonder how I managed to hold onto my stupid funk, but I did. I love all these people and I’m so grateful for everything that comes into my life, but sometimes things are just off. And when you feel crappy that’s pretty much how you want to feel.
So that’s what I did. I basically sulked and moped and felt bad.
And sometimes that’s just what’s needed. If you feel bad just let it be. Feel the feeling and let it happen. Sleep on it.
Thoughts are the enemy here and I made a specific effort to control those thoughts, well, turn them off altogether. So I played a mindless game and got talking to my friend about her project. Helping someone else turned out to be a great tonic. I still felt bad but also had a little glow of having been successful, even if not in my own life.
This morning I feel much happier, more in touch with what I want. Sure the reason I felt bad in the first place is still there but really I think that it’s not so much of a big deal.
I choose to feel happy. Well at the moment anyway.
Day 234 – Now What?
Well it’s been quite some time since I wrote or even thought about writing in here. Over 60 days. And seriously I haven’t been writing because I haven’t been thinking about it, or at least only peripherally.
And you know what. I’m really glad for the break. I was pretty much lost. In some ways I still am.
I find the grind of an eight hour day difficult to deal with. Adding in expectations like this makes my life much more stressful and frankly that is not a place to create anything from.
I didn’t stop because I realised I needed some space though.
I stopped because my private life suddenly imploded. I was very unhappy for quite some time.
What I’ve been doing to turn that around is visualize. By focusing on what it is that I want rather than how miserable things have been I’ve turned things around again. I’ve also realised something quite profound. If I’m not enjoying it I’m not doing it right.
So here I am again thinking about the project. Thinking about the vehicle www.bodyshapestyle.com. I’m not altogether sure what I think about it but I do this sense of need to finish things off. Quite what that means I don’t know.
My dreams haven’t changed. In my visualisations (fantasies?) I work for myself from home doing things that I enjoy and making lots of money from it. I travel regularly and own my own home. I am financially free.
It’s only how I envision that happening that’s changed. In fact I’ve basically stopped visualising the how altogether. I don’t think its actually helpful for me.
So, now what? Keep visualising. Release the stress and pressure of it all and enjoy my amazing life.
Day 173: Just A Day
Yesterday was a lovely day. I didn’t actually achieve much business related but I did have a good day and I choose to believe that is the best course of action for me right now.
Visualise what it is that I want. Be really specific. Really see it; feel how it feels and really get into the moment. Then let it all go and enjoy.
The bit that I keep forgetting is the part where I need to just simply trust. Trust that I can and will succeed. Trust that the Universe really, really wants for me to have exactly what I want.
So … keep reminding myself.
Day 172: Busy Days, Boring Nights
I had quite the “bad hair day” today. I realised the culprit pretty much as soon as I got to work; a jumper that really just didn’t flatter me. Of course the shoes weren’t real great either. The whole day I just felt frumpy and fat.
I also found when I got home that I was bored and tired and I ate a whole block of chocolate, following dinner, watching TV. I felt really bad about it afterwards and sulked. I then had an argument with my partner because I was feeling pissy with myself.
I was reading an article later, as I do, and apparently this is a common feeling. It was described as busy, busy days followed by lazy evenings, which pretty accurately describes my lifestyle. The problem is though I feel tired in the evenings. I don’t necessarily want to do anything in particular.
But, equally I don’t want to be sitting around eating chocolate. I already feel fat and ungainly and I know that it’s a direct result of my lifestyle.
I’m not really sure what the solution to all this is but surely acknowledging there’s an issue is the first step.
The next is surely visualising what you’d like to have happen. So … um …. well … oh.
Day 171: Blah
Nothing happened of any interest today.
At all.
I went to work. I came home.
That was it.
Crap.
Day 170: What Count’s As Work?
Sometimes I think I’m so very lost that I will never achieve anything on this blog, or any other for that matter. The amount of time that I spend is minuscule compared to what is needed to really get things pumping. I just don’t get the opportunity to work on what I consider to be the things that will make a difference.
But then, what qualifies as work? I want to spend more time visualising how it will be to have my own business, but, does that count as work or am I just day-dreaming?
I also spend quite a bit of time making sure that my household and family do not implode because I’m too busy doing other things. I just cannot abide living in an untidy house and sometimes the sheer number of little chores that need to be addressed almost overwhelms me. This week I’m taking time to address these things. Does that count as work? It certainly helps me focus.
I figure every little bit that I do is valuable. Even if its not strictly “work”.
Day 168 – 169: Really Check Your Attitude
So, after thinking about how I’ve been acting at work – nursing my hurt feelings and irritation – I’ve decided I really need to check my attitude about everything significant in my life.
For instance I am frustrated that I don’t seem to be spending more time on my business. I beat up on myself about that quite a lot. But the reality is, I’m living my life here. The key is to be happy. If doing something fun with my partner is what makes me happy then I should grasp that happiness and milk it for all it’s worth.
Yes, having my own business and being in control of my own financial success is very important to me.
But equally, it’s important that I feel as good as possible as often as possible.
So … stop beating up on myself. No more carping about not working on the business – instead celebrate what I do achieve. No more poking the belly fat and calling myself endless names – instead embrace my curves and treat myself with dignity and respect. No more …
Well you get the idea.
Attitude is everything and luckily it’s the one thing I have complete control over.
Day 167: Check Your Attitude
I’ve been feeling angry and sulky at work of late; basically one of the other people I work with is irritating me.
I decided to view this a bit more rationally.
The way I see the situation is the only thing I have control over.
So … check my attitude, which I admit is looking for and focusing on the bad behaviour.
What do I want? I want my working experience to be enriching, pass as quickly as possible with the least amount of friction as possible. I like being busy and I love helping people. Anything else is a small consideration.
I am going to focus on how happy I am to have any work. I am going to focus on how I do my job. Otherwise I am going to focus on what I want, defining it, refining it and writing it down.
Day 163 – 166: Struggling Along
I’ve been working on various projects this week, including my business.
One of the chief problems I have is that I struggle when things are not organised. If I can sit down and just work away at stuff and have it move toward completion then I am a happy girl. Unfortunately things seem to be a constant stream of demands for time and attention. This week I’ve basically been dealing with stuff that I haven’t dealt with before that’s now become urgent.
Still for all that, I have managed to clear some things and now I do feel much more organised.
The other issue I have is that I get really bogged down with my feelings. My mind works a million miles an hour and when I grasp hold of a thought I tend to think it to death.
I read that a good way to deal with “over thinking” is to take a couple of minutes every morning to write the thoughts down; to get them out so to speak. It’s another thing that I’ve found to be helpful.
The most important change I’m making though is getting back into thinking in more positive terms. For instance, I”ll be doing whatever and have the thought “I just have no time for this”; I change that thought to a statement of what I want which is “I have plenty of time to get things done”.
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but the important thing is that I’m taking active control of my thoughts.
Day 161 – 162: Weekend Fun
I spent the weekend with my mother and my partner. We did fun things like go to the market, drive in the country, the movies and walking on the beach.
It was a great weekend that I really enjoyed.
I didn’t do any work though, other than being happy.